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A conversation about slowing down, meeting suffering honestly, and finding peace in ordinary moments.

I’ve always been drawn to the idea that our biggest struggles might hold the most wisdom. When Terry Cortes-Vega sat down with me for this episode, we leaned into that tension directly. The concept for the show was “Phil Phails at Being a Buddha” — and Terry, a Dharma teacher in the Plum Village lineage of Thich Nhat Hanh, gently reminded me that it’s actually impossible to fail at being a Buddha.

That single idea shifted something in me. In a world obsessed with self-improvement and getting it right, Terry offered a radically compassionate frame: every failure is a teaching. Every moment of suffering contains the seed of awakening.

Why You Can’t Actually Fail at Being a Buddha

Terry explained it simply and profoundly. Because we have never truly been born as a separate self, we also never truly die. We are continuation — of our ancestors, of energy, of consciousness itself. The Buddha nature is already present in all of us.

The real failure isn’t making mistakes. It’s believing the story that you are not enough, not worthy, or somehow separate from the whole. When we run from suffering through distraction, defensiveness, or denial, we miss the teaching right in front of us.

As Terry put it, every failure is an opportunity to learn. The Buddha didn’t tell us to escape suffering — he invited us to turn toward it with awareness.

The Illusion of the Separate Self

One of the most striking parts of our conversation was exploring the two dimensions of reality: the conventional (where I am Phillip and she is Terry) and the ultimate (where there is no separation, only interconnectedness).

We are like waves on the ocean. Each wave appears distinct — bigger, smaller, prettier, uglier — but they are all water. When we forget this, we suffer through comparison, self-judgment, and isolation. When we remember it, compassion and ease naturally arise.

This teaching hit me hard as a father and as someone who still catches himself in negativity bias, always quicker to see where I fall short than where I am already whole.

Meeting Suffering Instead of Running From It

Terry walked through the Four Noble Truths with warmth and practicality. Suffering exists. There are causes (grasping, attachment, misunderstanding). There is a way out. And there is a path — the Eightfold Path and the Five Mindfulness Trainings — to help us walk it.

The Five Trainings especially stood out: respect for life, generosity, mindful sexuality, loving speech, and mindful consumption. These aren’t rigid commandments but trainings in awareness. They help us catch our habits before they catch us.

She shared how these practices have shaped her life — from classroom teaching to leading retreats, even while raising a family and navigating ordinary human challenges.

Personal Reflection

Sitting with Terry felt like sitting with someone who has made peace with being human. What surprised me was how lightly she held even the deepest teachings. There was no dogma, just lived experience and gentle invitation.

What challenged me was recognizing how often I still try to hide from discomfort — through busyness, thinking, or striving. Terry’s reminder that we are already Buddha, already connected, already enough felt both relieving and confronting.

I left the conversation more willing to sit with uncertainty and more curious about what “be still and know… be still and not know… be still… be” might actually look like in my daily life.

Practical Takeaways

When you feel like you’re failing, pause and ask: What is this moment trying to teach me?
Practice noticing the difference between the wave (your individual self) and the water (the deeper interconnected reality).
Use the breath as an anchor. When suffering arises, breathe with it instead of immediately trying to fix or escape it.
Train in the Five Mindfulness Trainings as gentle guidelines rather than sources of guilt.
Cultivate “don’t know mind” — stay open and curious instead of rushing to certainty or judgment.
Remember you are someone’s continuation. Your presence, words, and actions ripple outward in ways you may never fully see.

Conclusion

You can’t fail at being a Buddha because the Buddha is not a perfect person to become — it’s the awake nature already here. The path isn’t about never falling down. It’s about learning how to stand back up with more awareness, compassion, and presence each time.

Terry Cortes-Vega embodies this with humility and joy. Our conversation reminded me that the deepest teachings are often the simplest: be here, be kind, stay curious, and trust that even this moment — especially this messy one — belongs.

About Terry Cortes-Vega

Terry Cortes-Vega is a lay Dharma teacher (Dharmacharya) in the Plum Village tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. Ordained into the Order of Interbeing, she offers Dharma talks, retreats, and Days of Mindfulness to adults, children, and incarcerated individuals across the United States and Mexico. Her teaching emphasizes awareness, compassion, and joyful living in the present moment.

She received her Dharma name “Awakened Action of the Heart” and continues to guide sanghas and individuals in applying mindfulness to everyday life.